wednesday...wednesday...wednesday

It is a gorgeous 70 degree day out! The windows are open letting in some fresh air! The only problem is the swarms of ladybugs outside!! Hundreds of ladybugs! It is horrible! My yard is also muddy from the 4 days of rain we had over the weekend, so I really can't take the kids outback to play. It's ok..I'll take them to the playground again today. We walked up to the playground yesterday, only about a 5 minute walk, pushing 2 kids in a stroller!

Anyway, I have figured out my weight gain from the weekend. It is something I always do and hard to admit to. It happens everytime! I lose some weight and then I will go back to eating whatever I want and gain it all back. That was happening the last few days. I had made homemade bread, which is always so freaking good to eat! One was white bread and the other was cinnamon raison! I couldn't resist and I ate so much of it over a few days, and with little exercise, it caused me to regain 3 pounds. It's digusting, I know! I'm disgusted with myself and what I did, but I didn't care at the time. I really have to stop this cycle and just push through and lose all the weight. I know it is not going to be easy and it took years for me to get to this weight and it's not going to disapear overnight (don't we all wish it would?!) and so I have a long journey ahead of me. I have so much support online, that I hate to disappoint anyone when I slip up. I dissapoint myself the most, but I know my limits of what I can and cannot do and I know what I should eat and what I shouldn't!! Why can't I do it?! Why can't I stick to my eating plan? I'm not depriving myself of food, I can eat quite a bit of the right foods and stay within my calorie limit. So what is my problem?

It is emotional and mental. I always ate my emotions and now I don't know what to do instead. I have been better about it, but still need to find an outlet for my emotions. I know it's my past too...it's all the stuff I used to be called growing up, the lack of self-confidence that I still sometimes experience because I feel like I am constantly being judged by my weight. I am unhappy about it and have to put on a happy face most of the time to cover my sadness, or frustrations. It's hard for me to open up to people and tell them what I am going through or feeling or experiencing...even to my best friends that have known me forever! It's hard to tell my husband, because he has never had a weight problem and doesn't understand. I hate talking about my weight and weight loss attempts to my best friend, because she is way bigger than me and I don't want her to feel bad about herself! So this is my only outlet to talk about my frustrations and it is just easier to write them out...even if I know someone will read it.

So now that I got that out...I worked out for an hour today and feel really good about it. I got the Wave by the Firm and love it! It is fast paced and I will eventually get all the moves down! I did both the rock it out! and the sculpting one because I wanted to work on the steps and did really good!! I almost got all the steps down and I know one day soon I will get it! It works the hips, thighs, bum and core a lot (where I need the most work!) and also does upper body with weights while working the lower body! I know it is not as hard core as the P90X, but it is what I can do right now. With all exercise programs, there are great results with it that they show and so I am going to stick with it. I am trying to be like Lisa and try for 100 days of consecutive exercise!!! That's the new goal!!!!