has is been that long?

Oh my goodness!! Has it really been that long since I have last posted here?! wow..that just shows where my determination and motivation went! Right out the window! I really can't believe it. I was doing so well and then...plop...nothing. I have regained about all that I have lost and doing really bad in my current competition on Weight Loss Wars. So bad....but my disgust and tiredness is getting the better of me. I have been overweight pretty much all my life and just thought I would always be fat. I have lost weight, only to regain it again later. I gained so much in my back to back pregnancies that it's not funny. I am almost back to my highest weight...what I was when I delivered my daughter almost 3 1/2 years ago! I don't know where my motivation has gone! I know I am unhappy and only I can fix it. No one else can fix my body for me, even though it would be sooo much easier!! :) I have been talking with my husband in joining a gym for some time now, but it's really just not possible. The nearest gym is 30 minutes away and I would have to workout 1 - 2 hours, so I'd be gone for 3 hours at a time. It's not feasible for us right now. So, I ordered a new weight loss and exercise program called Insanity. It should be coming by the end of this week, the beginning of next and I really can't wait. I know alot of people have talked a lot of good stuff about P90X, but Insanity looks just as intense, but doesn't use any equipment. I have weights and stuff, but I won't need to buy anything extra. So, I will let you know how it goes! I have been keeping up with my weekly Pilates class and started walking with friends once a week, so that's at least something! I'm trying to get more sleep, but really need to work on the food and soda. I know, know, know, know, know that I need to kick my diet soda habit and it is sooo rough!! I know these things aren't supposed to be easy, but to break the caffiene addiction will actually cause physical pain!! I get tremendous headaches when I go without and get a bit cranky!! So, my goal here is to get off the soda! :) So, wish me luck!